ADHD in Women – and the Journey of Parenting with ADHD

This ADHD Awareness Month, we’re talking about ADHD in women and how it impacts, empowers, and exhausts us as parents.

Until only very recently, ADHD in women was misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and woefully under-researched.

Maybe that’s what it took so long for me to discover that I myself am a woman with ADHD.

Actually, it was only because of my son, and his journey with ADHD, that I began my own. And this later started my daughter’s journey, too; like a neurodivergent domino effect that rippled through my whole family.

It’s not just me who’s experienced this effect. For a lot of mums, the journey of discovering their own ADHD often begins when their children are diagnosed. Because, perhaps unsurprisingly, neurodivergence has a strong genetic component to it. And if a parent has ADHD, then it’s quite likely that their children will inherit it.

Realising that you’ve given your child their spark, as it were, is illuminating and validating. But it can also be really overwhelming. Parents in this situation find themselves navigating a rough path – managing their own ADHD, while parenting children who share the same traits.

This ADHD Awareness Month, I’m exploring ADHD in women, how we get it in the first place, and the often wild, sometimes hard, always wonderful journey of parenting with ADHD.

The Inheritance of Neurodivergence

As mentioned already, ADHD has a strong genetic component – meaning that if a parent has ADHD, their child is more likely to have it as well. For me, both of my children have it.

This hereditary link is kind of a double-edged sword. Mums sometimes describe this bittersweet sense of recognition; knowing themselves and their child better, seeing their true potential – and seeing their own true selves.

There’s also a fear of the downsides that a shared neurodivergence can bring.

Because, while it can be reassuring and bond-affirming to understand that you both struggle in similar ways – it also raises concerns about facing the same challenge at the same time.

But – this is a journey. A lifelong journey. We might start it at different times to each other, but we’re all on the same path. And while the path is often scary and full of worry, a lot of the “what ifs” are very much self-imposed (that’s ADHD for you).

The further you walk the path, the clearer things become, and the better you understand yourselves.

But for girls and women with ADHD, even getting on the path is a struggle.

Why is that?

ADHD in Women and Girls

In the decades gone by, girls couldn’t even get onto the path, because ADHD was considered to predominantly or even exclusively affect boys. This perception has contributed to the widespread underdiagnosis and misdiagnosis of ADHD in women and girls, having let down generations of women.

But this apparent invisibility of ADHD in women is because ADHD manifests differently in girls compared to boys.

Research shows that girls are more likely to present with inattentive traits, such as difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, and disorganisation – which are less disruptive and more easily overlooked than the hyperactive component displayed by many boys with ADHD.

That said, it’s important to be aware that girls can have combined ADHD too, it's just that often (although not always) their hyperactivity is internalised mentally, rather than obvious outwardly at a physical level.

This difference in presentation leads to delayed diagnosis, with many women only discovering their ADHD in adulthood. I was only diagnosed at 41, and the same is true for many of other ADHD women I know too.

It explains a lot. But it also raises more questions, stirring up old memories and feelings.

Another factor is hormones. Women and girls go through hormonal fluctuations throughout our lives – puberty, periods, pregnancy, menopause – and these aren’t exactly super fun or plain sailing at the best of times. But if you have ADHD, hormonal changes can wildly exacerbate components of it, making it even harder to diagnose.

As if there wasn’t enough strain on us already, society places certain expectations on women and girls. Even today, women are often “supposed” to excel at multitasking, organising, and planning.

So, when a girl comes along who doesn’t fit this mould — who struggles with multitasking, forgets details, or finds it hard to stay organised — she may be looked down upon and feel inadequate as a result.

In short, being a girl with ADHD can be particularly challenging. It can feel isolating, exhausting, and anxiety-inducing. These societal pressures can lead to deeper feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, or even depression. And when nobody recognises it as ADHD, you don’t even have a name for what you’re experiencing.

So, you just blame yourself.

Thankfully, the tide is starting to turn; women and girls are now beginning to receive the support and recognition they need, and more professionals are given the tools to identify ADHD in girls.

And I am proof of this simple fact; it’s never too late. Diagnosis later in life has been cathartic and affirming for me. It has made me more aware of myself and of others.

And it has made me a better parent.

Parenting with ADHD

Parenting is the most worthwhile thing in the world – but it’s never an easy job.

For those with ADHD, it's an even greater test of patience, organisational skills, and emotional regulation.

There is a significant emotional toll on parents of children with ADHD, with mums bearing the brunt of societal expectations.

Mums with ADHD often grapple with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, doing everything they can to prove it’s not their fault. This is especially true when comparing themselves to other mums who always seem so organised, calm, and consistent, as these traits directly conflict with the common symptoms of ADHD.

Forgetting PE kits and packed lunches, leaving the kids’ homework to the last minute, always being the last mum to drop them off at school, hurriedly dressed, or picking them up out of breath.

We often feel like we’re not cut out for this, that we’re doing it wrong, or that we’re not doing enough. We compare ourselves to others and overthink, spiralling quickly into doubt.

Even when we cope pretty well, every month we get another ride on the ADHD hormonal rollercoaster, with its unexpected twists and turns that seem to catch us by surprise.

Throw a child with ADHD into the mix, and OMG – the hard times can feel incredibly tough.

But the good times? They’re THE BEST. For all the challenges I’ve just described, there is a silver – no, a golden – lining.

There’s something about ADHD that never gets the attention it deserves.

The literal SUPERPOWERS!

The Superpowers of Neurodivergent Parents

Mums with ADHD have unique strengths that come with their neurodivergence. Creativity, empathy, and the ability to think outside the box – these are our superpowers. They enhance our parenting abilities to superhuman levels.

These traits allow us to connect deeply with our children and those of others, and to create supportive, understanding environments that celebrate all types of neurodiversity.

When both parent and child are neurodivergent, they gain a deep sense of mutual understanding. Some mums with ADHD find that they can relate to their children's struggles in a way that neurotypical parents might not.

This shared experience can build a strong bond, helping their children feel more accepted and less alone.

So, you might be a little late sometimes, and your house may be a bit chaotic. But your creativity and spontaneity make playtime exciting. You can dive into all kinds of adventures together. Your kids feel loved, valued, understood, and accepted.

That’s all you, super mum.

And if you want to gain some skills and knowledge for those tougher times, here are a few simple strategies you can try at home.

Parenting Strategies for ADHD Families

Routine and Structure

Establish consistent routines, because this can help both you and your children to manage daily tasks more effectively. Use visual schedules, reminders, and timers to stay on track.

ADHD coaching can be a massive boost for ADHD families, and the start of a new chapter. It builds coping skills and helps support the executive function challenges that present particularly in girls and women – like organisation and forgetfulness.

Self-Care and Compassion

Mums (and dads, of course) with ADHD should prioritise their own mental health. You can’t give your best if you don’t feel your best. So, take care of yourself (guilt can do one), and you’ll become a better caregiver and parent.

Get support when you need it. Therapy, groups, and ADHD coaching are your go-to options.

I founded ADHD Winchester, a support group for the parents of neurodiverse, superpowered ADHD kids. I always post our open-to-all meetups on Instagram – or you can contact me and request to join our WhatsApp group if you’re local.

I know it can feel daunting, but we run a welcoming and inclusive space. You’ll feel less isolated, less alone, and probably make some new friends, too!

Advocate for Neurodiversity

Be the change you want to see and educate others about ADHD. Advocating for more accommodations in school and your community builds a more supportive environment for everyone, as well as giving you more involvement in the parts of your child’s life that you typically have less control over.

It’s a Lifelong Journey

Parenting with ADHD isn’t just about managing symptoms; it's a journey of self-discovery and growth. Lots of ADHD mums learn to better understand and accept themselves when they start this journey.

It’s hard. But that’s also a powerful testament to the resilience and adaptability of people with ADHD.

Our ADHD doesn’t define us, but it does help make us who we are; kind, empathic, strong, creative – and brilliant in infinite ways.

So, lean in. Start the journey.

It’s one hell of a ride.

Lean into ADHD

Listen to the All Aboard ADHD Podcast – where I speak with some of the most prominent figures in neurodiversity, and the real-life superheroes whose ADHD journeys have inspired my own.