Low Demand ADHD Parenting with Dr Naomi Fisher

What is demand avoidance and how does it show up in children with ADHD?

In this episode of the All Aboard ADHD podcast, we hear from Dr. Naomi Fisher, a clinical psychologist specialising in neurodiversity and trauma, for a fantastic discussion around demand avoidance, and pathological demand avoidance (PDA), along with the positive impact of low demand parenting on children with ADHD. Dr Naomi is the author of several books, with the most recent being “When The Naughty Step Makes Things Worse” with Eliza Fricker. This book is an incredible parenting guide for parents who find that conventional parenting techniques just doesn’t work for their child.

Dr Naomi begins by explaining that demand avoidance is actually a behavioral trait often driven by anxiety, particularly in autistic children but also in those with ADHD. She describes how "demand avoidance" refers to a general tendency to resist demands, whereas PDA refers to a more specific, severe form of demand avoidance, which can lead to significant distress and disruption in daily life. Dr Naomi provides some all-too familar examples of how conventional parenting techniques can backfire with demand avoidant children, leading to conflicts and battles.

She then goes on to define ‘low demand parenting’, describing it as active and involved parenting without control, with more of a focus on reducing demands to help children manage their emotions and develop skills. Dr Naomi describes what is going on for our children when they hear something like ‘put your shoes on’ more than once and emphasises the importance of reducing everyday demands, to help children stay in a "window of tolerance" where they can more effectively learn and develop the skills they need for later life.

Claire and Dr Naomi also discuss screen time - a hot topic for many parents. Video games such as Minecraft can actually play a valuable role for demand avoidant children, helping them feel more in control and practice emotional regulation. Dr Naomi emphasises the need for parents to value their children's interests, and provides some much-need reassurance that parents’ efforts are crucial for building a strong, lasting relationship with their children.

If your child with ADHD shows demand avoidant traits and you are in need of a new approach - this episode is a must-listen!

You can find our more about Dr Naomi Fisher’s work and online courses via her website and her SubStack channel.

Or you can order a copy of Naomi’s latest book When The Naughty Step Makes Things Worse here.