The ADHD Mother with Dr Tom Nicholson

What does it mean to be a ‘good mum’ to a child with ADHD?

In this episode Claire is joined by Dr Tom Nicholson, to talk about the lived experiences of parents, particularly the mums of children with ADHD. Tom is a lecturer at Northumbria University, a neurodiversity and mental health specialist, and keynote speaker specializing in ADHD, mental health, neurodiversity, and neuroinclusion. Tom was diagnosed with ADHD at five years old, experienced an extremely traumatic educational journey due to the lack of awareness, and has since made it his mission to improve the knowledge and skills of as many people as possible so that no other child goes through what he did.

Claire and Tom discuss the significant emotional toll on parents of children with ADHD during the diagnostic process, with mothers bearing the brunt of societal expectations. They also highlight the importance of improving support for mothers and their children, particularly post-diagnosis where many feel ‘diagnosed and dumped’. Tom shares some fascinating and very relatable insights from his research into mothers of ADHD children, particularly some of the personality types that have emerged. For example, the “good, heroic or valiant mother” who does everything she can to prove it’s not her fault her child is being assessed for ADHD.

Tom also sheds light on some of the ways fathers are often marginalized and excluded from the healthcare system, beginning right from the first night when they are often sent home from the hospital. This continues throughout the postpartum period, manifesting in marked differences between how healthcare professionals communicate with both parents. Finally, Tom and Claire discuss the need to recognize and validate the experiences of both mothers and fathers, to ensure better support overall for them and their children.

To find out more about Tom’s work, head here.

To read about Tom’s work on The ADHD Mother, head here.